Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips)
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Identifier: http://muslimmatters.org/2007/08/19/pornogrpahy-addiction-among-muslims-stories-tips/
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Subject: islamization
Title: Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips)
Created on: Fri Sep 05 13:43:07 -0400 2008
Updated on: Fri Sep 05 13:43:07 -0400 2008
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Abstract: ... a sin such as watching porn. The message here is always occupy your mind with something useful ( read a book, visit a friend, play football/sports, start a project, watch a comedy, anything really, as long as it is not haram ) never remain idle when you have time on your hands as boredom can be your downfall, and lead you to the wrong path. Apart from these 8 points, I have a few more tips that have worked for me. 1) 1 year ago, I made a Nidhr to Allah, so that if I was to relapse I would have to fast 120 days continuously. 2) every day, I go in front of the mirror and I psyche myself up, screaming ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, ‘NEVER’, over and over again, ( ‘NEVER’, as in I will ‘never’ go back to my old ways again) 3) I have a secret book that I purchased specifically for this purpose. I have marked all the dates of the year on it for the next couple of years. Next to every day I either have a tick which would represent a successful day, in other words a day I did not watch porn in, or I would have a cross, which would represent failure. Alhamdu-lilllah I now have 365 ticks, and not a single cross. I look at all these ticks every day, and it gives me a sense of achievement. I would not want to see a cross in this book, as it would symbolise a return to the old ways. Seeing that cross would seriously depress me, hence I avoid it at all cost. I hope these tips will help. Please read dua for me as I want to continue on the right track. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side. Allah is on my side. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER ___________________________________________ Related Posts on MM: Muslims’ Unfortunate Bragging Rights for Sex Searches! Sex & the Muslim Ummah - Part 1 [Sex Education] A Return to Chivalry A Return to Modesty: Book Review More from this category Sex & the Ummah: As A VirginSex & the Ummah: Innocence LostTexas Dawah Convention — Day Three: More Notes!Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips) More from this author Sami Al-Arian Released: HE GOT BAIL !! Awesome Ramadan GiftUPDATE! Aafia Siddiqui Court POSTPONED to Thursday & Cageprisoner Dinner on SundayDr. Aafia Siddiqui Court HearingAafia Siddiqui Press Conference Photos & Story Subscribe to this author Tagged as: addiction, Islam, Muslim, porn, pornography, Sex Ed. 94 Responses to “Pornography Addiction Among Muslims (Stories & Tips)”--> Comments (86) Trackbacks & Pingbacks (8) Comments zfnd said: Jazakallah Khair for the organization! -August 20th, 2007 at 3:12 am MR said: Sad… -August 20th, 2007 at 8:16 am iMuslim said: Assalamu ‘alaykum Not only is this the best entry i have read on MM. This is the best entry i have read… ever. Mashallah - may Allah reward you. Seriously, great stuff, and the best part is, it is not only applicable to those who habitually sin in this manner. You could transpose any habitual sin in place of porn addiction, and the entry would make just as much sense, in the turmoil of sinner’s regret vs urge to sin, and in the effect of this sin on those close to them, and on the advice given to give up the sin. Subhanallah. Thank you all. You’re so brave to write your experiences here. May Allah reward you because this entry will help you and others like you - and when i say others like you, i mean every person in the entire world, who has even the teeniest belief and fear in Allah. I’ll stop with the praise, because i don’t want to diminish your rewards. I pray this article becomes a form of sadaqa jaariah for everyone involved - and i am totally getting a piece of the action, inshallah, and forwarding it on to others! Wa’salam -August 20th, 2007 at 8:58 am Amad (Author) said: jazakilahkhair iMuslim for the kind comments. And jazakumAllahkhair to OUR READERS for writing the post (hey, I ONLY compiled it), which goes to show that MM does indeed have some of the brightest and concerned readers and commentators in the blogosphere! -August 20th, 2007 at 9:52 am ExEx Blogger said: I am absolutely shocked by this posting. This is the one of the very few times in which I read more than 85 percent of the content. Great advice. I don’t know if any of the TDC attendees has the lecture but my last years lecture “Controlling Lusts & Desires” addressed this issue. -August 20th, 2007 at 11:00 pm Amad (Author) said: Chao sahib, I was in the lecture… one of the few “older shabab” in the room… you were going full-blast, full-force, delta-power… and the kids were melting into their chairs… it was awesome. I was wondering why all the uncles wanted to get in… I think we need to put that audio in… -August 20th, 2007 at 11:50 pm Kamran said: Amad, do you have that lecture by Chao Sahib? I have never heard his lectures before even though I have heard a lot about Chao Sahib from Irtiza btw, are the lectures from last year’s TDC available at all? sorry to drift away from the topic Kamran (when is the TDC website gonna be functional??) -August 21st, 2007 at 12:10 pm ibnabeeomar (Author) said: kamran - the progressives lecture from last years tdc has been posted on our site. and good luck on the rest… i got cd’s from last years conf while at the conf but i dont know about the copyrights otherwise i would upload them -August 21st, 2007 at 12:24 pm Kamran said: ibnabeeomar, you should also contact Sh AbdulBary, he has a very interesting and unique position on the issue of “copyright” on Islamic materials. He sharess my view (that there is no copyright on Islamic Knowledge). And he also has strong arguments to back it up. wallahu `alam -Kamran -August 21st, 2007 at 1:45 pm Kamran said: on that note, I give you this lecture: http://haadi.almaghrib.org/Audio/AB_Ramadhan_Khutba.MP3 Sh AbdulBary’s khutbah on “Time to repent is…NOW” -August 21st, 2007 at 2:03 pm Nuqtah said: Hey which TDC lecture was that? I guess I was in a different lecture :s -August 21st, 2007 at 3:10 pm Rick Carey said: Here’s a bit of simple but complete advice: It’s no big deal, stop obsessing about it. Men have needs (and so do women) and relieving those needs by once in a while looking at porn is healthy! When you get into the cycle of need, need-fulfillment, guilt over fulfilling need, shame, relieving the feeling of shame by doing it again you get into the downward spiral of becoming an obsessive. If, however, you just realized it was no big deal and even healthy you can engage it once in a while and live a full and complete life. Ask yourself a question, why does Allah care if you look at erotic pictures? -August 21st, 2007 at 3:46 pm ExEx Blogger said: Let me try to look for that lecture. -August 21st, 2007 at 4:06 pm Amad (Author) said: Rick, we are in completely different zones and fundamentals of understanding. In other words, we have an absolute moral system, in which Allah does care about our sins and good deeds. Regardless, even socially amongst non-Muslims, porn is a huge problem that affects many relationships and causes many ills. That is why there is so much material devoted to helping the problem. Also, we are talking about addictions here, not about the “once in a while” stuff. Though that is wrong too, but it is not the issue we are discussing. -August 21st, 2007 at 4:08 pm Rick Carey said: Amad, That’s my point. I’ve observed many more protestants with alcohol problems than Catholics and I attribute that to the fact protestants strongly frown on alcohol use while Catholics have a much laxer attitude. Making something a sin and having a zero tolerance policy ensures that your community will have a higher incidence of that sin. Aristotle said “Everything in Moderation” in part because he knew that trying to completely wipe out an act will drive people to excess in that action. And, I’ve known people for whom porn saved their marriages. During many of my friends’ pregnancy the man learned that he would have to go many months without sex and the wives OKed their husbands using porn as an outlet. Today they are all happily married with kids and none have porn addictions. -August 21st, 2007 at 5:10 pm ExEx Blogger said: @ Rick May I suggest and remind that the Christian faith explicitly bans alcohol and intoxicants. It doesn’t matter if it’s Protestantism or Catholicism or Orthodox. Having a zero tolerance on stuff will only make it clear cut that it’s forbidden. Imagine if Islam wasn’t clear cut on it, we would have more people drinking under the pretext that it’s not clear cut. As for the issue of men not being able to have intimate relationships with their wives because of pregnancy, there is nothing wrong with intimacy and intercourse during pregnancy. The only time period Muslims are not allowed to engage in conjugal activity is during menstruation and post-pregnancy bleeding. If in the scenario that one’s wife is in either of one situation, Islam has already a solution to this which is polygyny (multiple wives with set rules) unlike polygamy (multiple wives with no set standards) See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy#Islam Now, I know that some people out there might not “agree” with Islams viewpoint on polygyny, I think it’s safe that to say that having conjugal relations with your 2 wife is definately healthier spiritually and more satisfying then deriving pleasure from hand-induced pleasure in front of the computer. -August 21st, 2007 at 5:41 pm ibnabeeomar (Author) said: Rick, Frankly the same could be said for alcohol. some may enjoy it in moderation, but many can’t, we know the consequences of that. the question i have for you is this: If you believe that God is the All-Wise, and you believe He legislated for us to abstain from something, then would you agree we should submit to that command? -August 21st, 2007 at 7:57 pm abu ameerah said: @ ExEx Blogger: “…hand-induced pleasure in front of the computer.” LOL! Well put Sheikh…well put… : ) -August 22nd, 2007 at 12:59 am Rick Carey said: ExEx Blogger- No, Christianity bans drunkenness not alcohol. One of Jesus’ miracle involved turning water into wine, the Eucharist has always been practiced with wine, and Jesus even drank wine. But you make my point, most religions don’t prescribe an all-or-nothing approach and instead favor not condemning moderation to head off excess and obsession. You could learn a lot from Christ. Amad and ExEx Blogger, I, also, have an absolute moral system, it is called equality before the law. You think it’s better for a system to dehumanize women by allowing a man to take up to four wives than for a man to fulfill his needs for a few months with his hand, but I do not. I believe in the equality of women, and until women are allowed to take up to 4 husbands at one time they will be nothing but second-class citizens in many parts of the muslim world -August 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 am Umm Layth said: That’s your opinion rick. But Islam came to put control upon polygany, which at the time was the norm, by only allowing 4 and setting conditions for it. It was also discouraged within the Qur’an itself, to make a man realize that it isn’t an easy job to be just to 4 women. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, also mentioned what he saw in hellfire in regards an unjust man towards his wives. So, what may seem to you as unjust, is in reality a set of laws that are meant to better humanity, by having as their Guide God Alone, and not the ego of men who don’t know what is good for them. -August 22nd, 2007 at 5:53 am Umm Layth said: Let me also add, I think it is sick that you think this is healthy. -August 22nd, 2007 at 5:56 am aarij said: Rick, if we allow woman to have 4 husbands and she gets pregnant, whose baby is it? Do we toss a coin and each husband has a 25% of winning? And what happens while the woman is going through her menstrual cycle…all the 4 men sit around and wait for the woman to finish? OR do we allow the men to take up 4 wives and the women to take up 4 husbands, and then we can have a truly peaceful and harmonious solution that works for all? I mean, seriously… And before you suggest DNA testing, DNA testing is not 100% accurate…meaning, a child can go through his life never knowing who his/her father is. Fact of the matter is, men and women are different physically, and it is thus illogical to equate them on these terms. Islam protects a woman’s rights through polygany. She has the right to the man’s property, to his wealth, her children are going to be provided for…the whole deal. Unlike in the west where a man can freely sleep around with 100 women impregnating each while not being accountable legally or morally for any of them!! Yay for the justice and liberation of women. -August 22nd, 2007 at 2:21 pm Umm Layth said: Sister aarij, and just the thought of a woman having 4 husbands seems so sick. It is at that point that I would say that a woman is 2nd class and underneath the feet of a man. Tossed around like she doesn’t matter, whereas when a man takes on 4, he has to remember every day to treat them all fairly or he will get punished in hell pretty harshly. la ilaha illa allah -August 22nd, 2007 at 4:05 pm aarij said: I’m happy most of my friends from Univ. are not bloggers and don’t read blogs, otherwise they would have a field day with Sr. Umm Layth’s comments! Ya ukhti, I’m a brother! Aarij = brother Areej = sister haha -August 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm Umm Layth said: I’m sorry. I’m guilty of not even questioning the spelling. It’s just that we have a family member named Areej. -August 22nd, 2007 at 4:57 pm a muslim said: I myself is an addict, and this site has helped me a lot, because especially the sisters story whos husband is an addict. I was crying from start to the end of her story. May Allah help me and all muslims. I just want to remind brothers and sister PLEASE DO NOT SAY IT IS JUST A MINOR SIN (PORN)!!! I KNOW IT MIGHT BE BUT THIS MIONR LEADS TO MAJOR. SO refer to it as a sin don’t emphasize its only MINOR becuause of this sin sisters who are married to addicts are going to sever pain, THEY ARE GOING THORUGH PAIN WHICH ONLY THOSE WHO ARE AFFECTED BY IT KNOWS. I myself was crying reading the stories and Inshallah I promised Allah that I will stop I KNOW I DID IT IN THE PAST but Inshallah Allah will help and I will not give in to my NAFS -September 30th, 2007 at 6:57 am Amad (Author) said: Brother “a muslim”, may Allah help you and make this repentance a firm one… I hope everyone will make a quick dua’ for Br. Muslim, Qwerty and others inshallah. Also “a muslim”, try the different techniques… each may have different impact on a person. If one doesn’t work out, then try another. If you need group encouragement, you can always use this board and let us know how you are doing and we’ll keep making dua’ and encouraging you. jazakAllahkhair for trying! -September 30th, 2007 at 11:37 am A sinner slave said: Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatAllah, I am 27 yrs old, married and blessed by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala with an extremely loving 10 months old daughter. Since my childhood, have been using masturbation, looking at women, TV, magazine to deal with loneliness, insecurity, frustration, family problem until it became habit, then obsession with strong desires. In my high school oversees (which was an all boys cadet school), I felt attracted to some boys (especially boys who were relatively soft and good looking). I even touched two of them inappropriately while masturbating. Got introduced to internet sex materials, chat rooms, sexually explicit videos after coming to USA in fall, 2000. Since then, have been using them to deal with anxiety, depression and managing stress and ofcourse, lust. Since my early high school years, I grew up with very low self esteem, always afraid of being criticised and judged. I lived for almost 3 years with a roommate of mine who was 8 years older than me and I feel I was psychologically abused during that time. At one point, I paid money to a prostitute and had first sexual experience with the prostitute which turned out to be a trauma. Especially in summer, my eyes wander in the streets and every where else looking at half naked women lustfully. I grew up with so many family problems, my parents’s abusive relationship, physical fighting, domestic violence, verbal abuse, eventual divorce, Mom being murdered in a robbery case and so on. I don’t have anyone in this world after Allah except my wife and my daughter. This summer, I lost control of myself and went after prostitutes, ended up with a she-male which I found out after paying her $200, she was about to beat me up, then I left being frightened. Nothing happened beyond touching. Have droven car in streets looking for half naked women, offering them rides and offering them money in exchange of “spending time with me”. Went to events like “african fest” in summer where would be able to find lot of half naked women, abrubtly trying to start conversations with strangers hoping to do something else, but Allah saved me from actual zina every time till now. My wife knows bits and [pieces of my pron addiction, but she gets very depressed (as any pure, loyal muslim sister would feel). So, I stopped sharing with her. Right now, I have to look at pron every week-at most a week and half, otherwise I feel so restless that can’t concentrate in anything until I do it. I prefer watching sexual videos to having relationship with my wife. Even if I have relationship with my wife, I still get cravings for porn and those seem more exciting to me. I also have very fast “premature ejaculation”, especially if I stay clean for some days and then go to my wife. I feel this is often frustrating to my wife, but being an extremely shy and modest girl, she doesn’t complain, she just says, “don’t worry, it’s ok”. But if I watch porn and exhaust myself with multiple orgasms, then later go to my wife, this problem of “premature ejaculation” is not there. I obsess about womens’ bodies and sex. Feel very helpless within myself. I married early (when I was 24) hoping marriage would be the “magical solution”, but apparently, that is not the case-but I must admit marriage is extremely helpful, extremely helpful and a very positive and helathy thing. Any of my muslim brother/sister wants to advice this sinner slave of Allah? would you please make do’a for me? i shall be eternally grateful to you. Assalamu Alaikum wa RahmatAllahi wa barakatuh -November 2nd, 2007 at 1:00 pm Amad (Author) said: “A sinner slave”… it is sad to hear your story. We pray that Allah helps you recover from this disease of the heart. I don’t think there is more we can advise you other than the great amount of information and tips in the post. I would urge you to read the post carefully and then commit yourself to a technique or more. IF you want our encouragement you can always post your progress and we will continue to make dua’ for you. -November 3rd, 2007 at 8:34 pm ThePontiff said: Stop it Muslims, or you will all go blind. On a more serious note, Muslims have such terrible sexual hangups; which is why Muslims can’t cope when they come to the West. -November 19th, 2007 at 9:22 am Sequoia said: the pontiff, I take it you know about how muslims can’t “cope” because of all your experience with muslims? lol. Your ignorance of the subject would be funny if it weren’t so sad. The Muslim community in the US and Canada (not to mention worldwide) is very diverse and comes from numerous backgrounds (yup the Pontif, there are even a few Muslims who aren’t Arab and are married to only one woman). Could Muhmaed Ali and Ice Cube “cope” with living in the Usa? or are you talking only about immigrant Muslims? In which case always moving to a new country can bring about times of confusion or difficulty adjusting. Every immigrant group has faced that. But again, i think your generalization about the Muslim community is missing the point at a genours best or more likely woefuly ignorant. I don’t think anyone can honestly say that an addiction to pornography (whch unfortunately is prevelant across the cultural/ religious devide) is a good thing or that trying to help individuals away from this problem as a sexual hangup. -November 20th, 2007 at 12:46 am ThePontiff said: Sequoia, drop your American ethnocentric stance, and cease the Moslem victimhood spin, which only hobbles Islam from accepting progressive secular values. Moslems too often can not accept human biology which makes some men homosexual, some not, and some bisexual. Pornography is merely a visual stimuli to aid in one’s sexual expression. Of course, to Moslems, who object even to pictures of their prophet in a comic strip, let alone sexual imagery (which they vilify as evil), well there’s a lot of work for the Moslems to enter the 21st Century. Of course, many Moslems choose not to as they prefer to remain locked into the obsolete 7th Century while they impose their dark ages beliefs on others. This is why there’s fatwahs and murders on intellectuals for merely expressing the basic right of freedom of speech. And before you play the usual “Islamophobia” victim card (yes, I can see you chaffing at the bit), remember “Islamophobia’ has one purpose — to suppress any criticism, legitimate or not, of Islam. -November 20th, 2007 at 2:58 am Amad (Author) said: “ThePontiff”: it is obvious that you came here with the goal of trolling. And we usually allow your type to spew a bit and then shut it off, not because we are afraid to listen to your garbage, but because you have not come here to intelligently discuss; rather to comment in an arrogant and condescending form, so as to satisfy that little bigot in you. Do you really feel that the “Moslems” will take kindly to your approach and actually change their behavior in response to your insulting comments? As for Sequoia, he is not a Muslim, is not funded by Muslims and has no other motivations to “defend” Muslims except that he is an open-minded fair individual who recognizes the perils of stereotyping and bigotry. We have been down this route before with black Americans, with Japanese Americans, with German Americans and let’s not forget the Commies. As for as your statements about homosexuality and bisexuality, I find it interesting that you feel that acceptance of sexual behavior is synonymous with progressive behavior? So, tomorrow if someone accepts incest and polyamry (still not widely “accepted” behaviors), then does that mean that person is REALLY ahead of the curve? What about the majority of Christians, Jews and other religious people who also refuse to accept homosexuality and bisexuality, including our current President… are they still living in the 1st Century? If accepting these behaviors (note I am not saying that one should discriminate against these folks) means progressivism to you, then we are in no need of it. As for freedom of speech, that’s a bogus, hypocritical charge, esp. in the West. No doubt that freedom of speech is ahead in Western societies, but try speaking about the holocaust and you’ll be locked up in Europe. Why permit cartoon strips to offend Muslims, yet disallow holocaust denial that offends Jews? Why not have the same standard? Finally, Islamophobia is as real as antisemitism, racism and all other sorts of bigotry. Just like the Germans in the pre-holocaust days denied that there was any antisemitism, calling it imagination; similarly bigots like you would like to deny this form of racism (and Islamophobia IS racism just like antisemitism IS racism), so that you can feel comfortable in your prejudice and hatred. -November 20th, 2007 at 10:03 am aarij said: pwnage. -November 20th, 2007 at 10:13 am Sequoia said: The Pontif, But here is the point….you place your world view (ie Muslims are 7th century intolerant fools) on not only my comments but on the topic at hand. You knew nothing about my background or ideas. Same as any of the commenters on here. Yet, in your infinite wisdom you “knew” what I wanted to label you. If you have some criticism of something specific then state it, as I am sure almost everyone on this coomunity will respond to your points respectfully, even if some of these points don’t deserve as much (I am speaking on previous commenters who have issued disrespectful comments, yet were treated to a intelligent reply). As for not accepting biology, conservatives in all religion take a conservative approach to sex. Which religion leads the “absitinence” program here in the US? What would happen to an orthodox jewish girl who was found out to have sex with her “secret” boyfriend. -November 20th, 2007 at 11:14 am ThePontiff said: All this victim crying from Islam while it acts the bigot towards women, homosexuals and secular progressives. I note you’re all good spin doctors who never condemn the intolerance of Islam. How convenient. Just remember, feminism, homosexual rights and secularism will not give way to religious bigots. The Christians were finally forced to reform in the name of tolerance and so will homophobic Islam. You’re free to practice your religion but you will not be allowed to undermine the human rights of others. -November 29th, 2007 at 1:12 am life said: aselamu alikum all i was so sad on reading about po. i do not want even spell the word and please especially with ayas letter,,, please i want to contact this girl i really want to be online frend and support in any whay please admin give her my email address. We do not share contact details or other privacy information. Thank you for your concern. -MM -February 28th, 2008 at 9:14 am Luke Gilkerson said: I recommend to anyone who is struggling in the sin of pornography to turn to a good accountability software for their computer. I work for Covenant Eyes, and we’ve created a very robust program that monitors Internet usage and makes that information available to accountability partners of your choosing. I invite you to go to http://www.covenanteyes.com and enter promocode ‘onefree’ to receive a free 30 day trial of the program. That promo code is open to anyone who wants it. The inspiration for the company name comes from the book of Job in the Bible. “Commemorate Our Servant Job” (Qur’an, Surah 38:41) -February 28th, 2008 at 1:07 pm PracticalMuslim said: Salam, Muslims today face a difficult challenge of living in lewd society with clear guidelines on how to deal with premartial sex and women. So we fall to temptation and commit sins against the beautiful gift of God-our soul, rationality, body and health. I have found an excellent solution to live the life that Allah wants to. Namely: 1) Don’t be alone. Study in the library, mix yourself with the opposite gender in public to mitigate sexual tension and temptation. Moreover, being around the opposite gender with others while doing productive acts will demystify them and make being with them a norm. 2) Be proactive about your room-put your trust in God and keep the door open if you live in dorms or with other people. In short: NEVER leave yourself alone, Shaytan wants to destroy man, especially the Muslim. May ALLAH give us strength to be his vicegerents as He created us to be. -March 8th, 2008 at 7:06 am syed saboor said: Another thing, you Muslim brothers out there, who got addicted to pornogaphy should be ashamed of yourselves. I have no pity for you, but scorn. If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. If I was married, and I am not, my Muslim wife would my first priority and my only focus in life. The problem with you Muslim men who live in the West is that you forget the beauty of your Muslim women and you run after all of these Western whores. I speak as a Muslim man, who once left Islam for Christianity, and who converted back to Islam. And since then, I have come to appreciate my dear Muslim sisters and how beautiful they are. Love your wives, that is the only advice I can give you. -March 12th, 2008 at 7:57 am Muslim007 said: make Istighfaar(Astaghfirullahi min qulle zanbin wa atubu iliah) all the times. Istighfaar really breaks the back of Shaytaan. and one more thing try to minimize watching tv and other magazines bcz it’s little things like these in tvs and magazines that lead you to bigger Fawahish such as pornography. so if u stay away from these small stuff insha Allah your lust/temptations will decrease. -March 19th, 2008 at 8:32 am Muslim007 said: 1 thing i forgot to mention is that try to be in wudu 24/7 that minimizes the effect of shaytaan. for sister i’ve this advice get an audio cd of qur’an with translation and play it whenever your husband sits on the computer that might stop him and brothers can try it too. may Allah guide us to the right path and may he shower his mercy and blessings upon us. Amin -March 19th, 2008 at 3:14 pm Ali Sarfraz said: I’m a little confused about this issue. I’m a male, unmarried, 23 years old and working. Just as mentioned in the article my parents think I’m too young to marry. They have no idea of the problems we face. I’m stuck in this dilemma and have no idea where to find a pious wife, how to convince my parents etc. etc. suggestions anyone ? Living under the pressures in the society, internet and what have you. It is impossible to control your desires. I’ve been living under the assumption that when I’ll get married I’ll automatically quit pornography and I’m pretty convinced on that but reading this article has scared me a bit. Why would someone go to pornography when you have a wife to go to ? I don’t get it, why would it still remain an addiction ? Also I would like to point I don’t think living in a Muslim country helps, the world seems to be converting into 1 big block with same crap everywhere. I went to North America recently & lived there for few months, I didn’t really face a big shock. I did not find the environment of much difference in fact it was better. To my surprise somehow I had a low sexual drive in North America compared to my homeland, I haven’t been able to figure out why, perhaps it was change of lifestyle or something, I don’t know but those where good days Actually I didn’t do any pornography for the time I lived in North America but when I came back to homeland things started changing and they are back to as they were in the past. I feel stuck on how all this is going to get resolved and I am gonna get out of this mess. Its a dead end for now. The advice that you mentioned in the article, well that can really help if you are married what could unmarried person do ? -March 30th, 2008 at 2:10 pm Dude said: salam., i’m semi religious with huge fornication problems myself (though not porno as much ) and even I was totally ‘wowed’ after I read agravesinner’s account. Like what the heck man… Anyway, I’m not married (21) but I can imagine how one can be bored sexually even after being married. Same thing with a girlfriend. It’s not about sexual desire, all these sins are more about mental desires. And you have to be satisfied with your wife mentally. She has to seduce you in a unique way everytime and entertain you. I can guarantee all you porn addicts will never ever watch porn again, b/c all porn does anyway is provide entertainment, which is obviously lacking from your sex lives. How can you be married and still watch porn !! Or visit escorts! Wives need to know how to entertain their husbands. It shouldn’t always be about sexual penetration and that’s it. Just the thought of that sounds so boring let alone doing that all the time. Wives need to know what to wear and know how to act in bed. Steal your husband mentally. He’ll love you forever. Later guys, Have fun. -April 7th, 2008 at 9:15 pm Luke Gilkerson said: I am not a Muslim, but I identify deeply with the problem of pornography addiction. Now, having some distance with that life, I am so thankful that I am not there anymore. I now work for a company called Covenant Eyes. The company has been making and distributing Internet accountability software for the past 8 years and has helped tens of thousands find freedom from porn’s grip. It is really rewarding to hear testimonies about people who are finally finding accountability. Our software isn’t like a Internet filter; it simply monitors where a person goes on the Internet. Covenant Eyes servers create detailed Internet-use reports of every single website visited. These reports cannot be edited or erased (like a computer’s Internet history). We have an up-to-date scoring system that rates sites based on content and includes those ratings on the report. Accountability partners (of that person’s choosing) can then view that person’s Internet activity via emailed reports or on our website 24/7. People avoid viewing porn online because they know they are accountable for what they see. Covenant Eyes also has a promotional code you can use to get a free month to try out their accountability service. Go to http://www.covenanteyes.com and enter promocode ‘onefree’ to receive a free 30 day trial of the program. Anyone who is struggling with this problem, please stop by our website! Luke Gilkerson Internet Community Manager Covenant Eyes http://www.covenanteyes.com PS: The name Covenant Eyes comes from the Bible in the book of Job, “I have made a covenant with my eyes” (Job 31:1), but Covenant Eyes members are from multiple faiths (any many from no faith background). “Commemorate Our Servant Job” (Quran, 38:41) -April 9th, 2008 at 1:13 pm Ridwan said: I have porn addictrion to…brothers my only suggestion is leaving North America and living a simple life in muslim lands…and when your there advise the brothers at the internet cafe to not let you in. Then work on yourself…this is the fight of our lives…if we really want Jannah then this is were our test lies…we must fight against our evil selves and get to Jannah…at all cost. -April 20th, 2008 at 4:48 am Ridwan said: Also aquire knowledge so that you may increase your fear of Allah subhanu wa ta ala. -April 20th, 2008 at 3:21 pm Muslim brother- said: Bismillah A brother said: “Another thing, you Muslim brothers out there, who got addicted to pornogaphy should be ashamed of yourselves. I have no pity for you, but scorn. If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. If I was married, and I am not, my Muslim wife would my first priority and my only focus in life. The problem with you Muslim men who live in the West is that you forget the beauty of your Muslim women and you run after all of these Western whores. I speak as a Muslim man, who once left Islam for Christianity, and who converted back to Islam. And since then, I have come to appreciate my dear Muslim sisters and how beautiful they are. Love your wives, that is the only advice I can give you.” Dear brother, the sin which you committed is worse than watching porn. The two do not even compare. So your lack of sympathy or pity for these brothers should not dismay them or hurt them in any way (I hope). You returned to Islam - all praise is due to Allah - and we ask Allah to forgive your past and to brighten your future. We also ask Allah to strengthen us in these times of fitnah. You said a very silly comment “If you really loved your wives, you would never of gotten addicted to that garbage in the first place. ” which is very silly because some have started the addiction before they were married. It is the filthy culture that the kuffaar have brought and it has - unfortunately - seeped into the Muslim lands at an alarming rate. This type of filth is available in our lands as well. It is hard to quit an addiction once a person is hooked, though it is possible. If you read the article you would have realized that the brother who mentioned his story (and those who commented with similar problems) are very disgusted with this act and hate and despise it and wish to quit it forever. So do not give us a holier-than-thou attitude, rather try to say something constructive and helpful for your brothers. Anyway, my anger is at the fact that you have completely missed the point and you are scorning your brothers without even understanding their situation, and [thus] your advice was off-the-point. If we want to help each other, we ask Allah and we try to provide solutions. One drastic solution, as brother Ridwan suggested, is to escape from all the evil and corruption and fitnah and run away to a simple village life (which is still available in many parts of the world). A person would have to sacrifice almost all the modern conveniences he has become accustomed to…but if the fitnah is attacking from all sides (and I am not just referring to the evil temptation of immorality which may come in the form of porn, fornication, adultery, and the list goes on) then one will see this as a worthy trade-off in exchange for getting away from the evils that have enshrouded today’s ‘modern’ societies. Of course, not many would even consider such a solution, or even think it practical or permissible. Many would not be able to make such a major change, to take such a big and decisive step. One would think “will I be able to handle that?” and “surely there must be another way.” Anyway, we have drifted off from the actual discussion here. Other solutions are - as some suggested - to cut off or limit internet access and try to plan your time so that you simply have no time for this evil habit. Or to try the psychological method mentioned in the article. The most important thing - as Sh. Yasir said - is not to lose hope in the Mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins. Make du’a constantly and ask Him to guide you, and continue to repent and try to overcome your problem. I ask Allah to rid our brothers of this evil problem and to strengthen us and guide us. Alhamdulillah, Allah is Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Al-’Afu, Al-Ghafoor… -May 7th, 2008 at 4:18 pm Can'tThinkofaFakeNameIHaveN'tUsed said: Ali Sarfraz…i am 28 and my story is not getting any better. Inshallah, I hope I get my condition improved so I can hope for a wife soon…coz I struggle…i feel miserable after i visit stuff like that …but i sometimes justify it in my head….i am studying at a college and my parents are your typical parents who think marriage is only after you get a good job that pays you big bucks etc..though i think such a concern is legitimate,…since .i can’t afford a wife with my part-time university job which is also soon to be ending…and i’ don’t know what i’ll be doing in the next couple of months….i am planning and sending resumes.. Lot of my boredom gets entertained with watching loner movies or old shows like godzilla, diehard, terminator2, 40 yearold virgin…..daninreallife…aboutaboy…Anne of green gables or Road to Avonlea (yea i know i was 13 when I saw this show and i still watch it !!)…i also use to listen to “good love is on its way” and similar songs (now cutting down)…i try to limit watching movies other than family shows or older series like sherlock holmes etc. .. And including of course listening to lectures by hamza yusuf, or reading stuff on this blog…youtube videos…listening to noam chomsky..george galloway…watching “the OFFICE” episodes…and then the porn comes in somewhere there say once in 6-7-days..anyways…i am going to take all the advice from this blog..inshallah and see how it plays out…i liked the extending the sujjood and rukuu idea.. Oh yea..you guys have to listen to this kid, ..http://youtube.com/watch?v=tckAvtt96bY&feature=related -May 16th, 2008 at 12:27 am Islam4life said: You need help if you have an addiction. Don’t justify it in any way. As Muslims, we have free will. Free will gives us the ability to make choices which is either A or B. I don’t recall the hadith but the Prophet PBUH states be careful of the minor sins for they lead to major sins. One thing standing between you and repentances is yourself. No one can stand between you and allah for tawbah. However its must be sincere and genuine, meaning you dont go back to action that caused the deviation. -May 18th, 2008 at 4:37 am Ridwan said: Trust me brothers, I know how you feel, its like your self destructing and you cant do anything about it. People tell you to get over it, but we know it aint that easy. So whats at stake.... [Full Article...]
