The Etiquettes of Marriage
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Subject: family
Title: The Etiquettes of Marriage
Created on: Thu Oct 04 14:28:10 -0400 2007
Updated on: Thu Oct 04 14:28:10 -0400 2007
Version: 1
Abstract: ... ther It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadith, among them: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept together).'"[Al-Bukharee and Muslim]. On the authority of Mu'aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: `O Messenger of Allaah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?' The Prophet answered, "Guard your nakedness excpet from your wife or those whom your right hand possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?' The Prophet answered : "If you can make sure that no one ever sees your nakedness, then do so." He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about when one is alone?' The Prophet said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]. 10. Making Wudhuu' after Sex and before Sleeping It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhuu'. There are various hadith about this, among them: First: On the authority of 'Aa'shah who said: "Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhuu' as for prayer." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said: "O Messenger of Allah, should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" The Prophet answered: "Yes, after making wudhuu." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version: "Perform wudhuu' and wash your private parts, and then sleep." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. And, in another version: "Yes, you can perform wudhuu', sleep, and bathe whenever you want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another version: "Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." (This last version proves that this wudhuu' is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh]. Third: On the authority of 'Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: "There are three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhuu'." [Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan]. 11. The Ruling of this Wudhuu' This wudhuu' is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the hadith narrated by 'Umar in which he asked the Prophet: "Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" To which the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." [Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh]. This is also supported by other hadith, among them a hadith narrated by 'Aa'ishah who said: "The Prophet used to sleep in a state of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and bathe." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh]. In another version narrated by 'Aa'ishah , she said: ""He used to spend the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhaan. Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting." Mutarrif said: "I said to Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?" He said: "Yes, in Ramadhaan and in other than Ramadhaan." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Saheeh]. 12. Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhuu' It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu' before sleeping. This is based on a hadith of 'Aa'ishah in which she said: "When the Prophet was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhuu' or Tayammum." [Al-Baihaqi: Hasan] 13. Bathing before Sleeping is Perferable Bathing however, is perferable to any of the above-mentioned possibilities as is clear in the hadith of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said: "I asked 'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhuu' and then slept." I said: "Praise be to Allah who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana]. 14. The Prohibition of sex when She is Menstruating It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur'an: "They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Al-Baqarah, 2:222] There are also hadith about this, among them: First: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad." Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allaah revealed the verse: "They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ... Then the Prophet said: "Be with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself." The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then have sexual intercourse during menstruation?" The Prophet's face changed such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood]. 15. The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh]. 16. What is Permissible when She is on her Periods It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadiths about this: First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood] Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others]. Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said: "When the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted." [Abo Daawood: Saheeh] 17. When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses? When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement in the Qur'an: "But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean."[Al-Baqarah 2:222] This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these are a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband." The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah revealed concerning the people of Qubaa: "In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108] There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a further proof. 18. The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus (Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission of one's wife). It is allowed for a Muslim man to practise coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadith about this: First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "We were practising coitus interruptus, and the Qur'an was being revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version, he said: "We used to practise coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us from doing it." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and at-Tirmidhee]. Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practise coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide." The Prophet said: "The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it." [An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]. Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said: "use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said: "She has become pregnant!" The Prophettold him: "I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come." [Muslim, Abu Dawood and others]. 19. It is Preferrable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus. Not practising coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons: First: It is har... [Full Article...]
